Unsolicited Advice
Unsolicited advice is the worst! It’s not wanted, asked for, and yet, it seems what most people feel more inclined to give! And since I hate so much being on the receiving end, I find myself in a quandary now as I feel the urge (more so, the need) to shoot from my hip and give a very dear and good friend a piece of unsolicited advice. What to do, what to do ?!
My friend is pretty, smart, and a very good person. Which makes it difficult for me to just sit by and watch while I see her go through such heartbreak. “People who are lucky in their career, are often unlucky in their love life”. Friends have often said that this (saying? belief?) applies to her. And I agree! While her career is going great guns, her love life is in a shambles.
She falls for the worst type of men. Wouldn’t go through the trouble of describing the men she’s fallen for before. This time, she’s fallen for a younger, albeit handsome guy. Seems nice enough, smart and very loving to her. In fact, he possesses all the qualities she wants in a man, so it was no surprise she fell for him in the first place. So what’s the hitch? He has another girlfriend.
She knew what she was getting into, knew the guy’s status even before, and she kept saying then that she was just enjoying herself, enjoying his company, and that she wasn’t going to fall for him. But that’s exactly what happened. Am sooo tempted now to shoot my mouth off and tell her exactly what I think and feel she should be doing. But being the good friend that she is, I’m afraid that if I did say these things, it would hurt her SO much. And that, I can’t risk since I know she’s going through so much heartbreak as it is now.
So what do I do? Decided to just write it here. For my own sanity! Just to get this off my chest. This is exactly what I would say to her IF I was not afraid of hurting her feelings…
“
Girl, you knew what you were getting into. And despite all the warnings, you went ahead into a relationship with this guy who you knew was in love with someone else.
You are NOT his girlfriend. So what if you go out and he says “I love you” to you? Yes, he makes you swoon, obviously. Yes, he makes you feel loved. BUT he has another GIRLFRIEND and he’s just playing with you! Get this into that thick skull of yours! You are just another conquest to him. And though you keep saying to yourself that you’re not in love with him, you can’t fool me. You ARE in love with him. And it’s hurting you so much to know that you are just playing second fiddle. I hate to see you crying when he disappoints you; by not introducing you to his friends for fear they might tell his GF; for not being available when you need him, whether it’s because of his job or he has a date with his real GF… there are still so many things he does that hurts you, and being your friend, I hate to see you going through this…
The way I see it, you have 2 options:
1) Best thing to do, forget him altogether. Easier said than done, I know. But this is the best for you. Don’t bother saying goodbye. Believe me, he won’t miss you! You were just another notch under his belt. Just a statistic, and not the love of his life! Once you stop calling him, he will NOT call you. He will not fall all over himself trying to find out why you’re not there anymore. He’ll just stop. But life will go one for him. He doesn’t need you, so stop kidding yourself that you’re important to him. Wake up and smell the coffee, girl!
2) Continue with this, but don’t fool yourself into believing that you are in a relationship. See him, if you feel you must, but give yourself some pride! Don’t fall all over yourself showering him with attention. Don’t trick yourself into believing that he loves you more than his girlfriend and that soon, he’ll leave her for you. He won’t! He loves her or else he wouldn’t have stayed 2 years with her! If he really loves you, he would have the decency to split off with her first, before pursuing you (which he didn’t, might I add!) He’s playing you for a fool. Prove to him you’re not! Split up with him! (going back to number 1… just have to try to put some sense into that thick skull of yours! You’re not using your gray matter, my friend.)
I hate to see you get hurt. There are so many other fish in the ocean. Don’t waste your time and energy on a “relationship” that’s not going anywhere. The earlier you extricate yourself from this, the earlier that you can move on with your life. He’s not the guy for you. Never was.
“
My friend is pretty, smart, and a very good person. Which makes it difficult for me to just sit by and watch while I see her go through such heartbreak. “People who are lucky in their career, are often unlucky in their love life”. Friends have often said that this (saying? belief?) applies to her. And I agree! While her career is going great guns, her love life is in a shambles.
She falls for the worst type of men. Wouldn’t go through the trouble of describing the men she’s fallen for before. This time, she’s fallen for a younger, albeit handsome guy. Seems nice enough, smart and very loving to her. In fact, he possesses all the qualities she wants in a man, so it was no surprise she fell for him in the first place. So what’s the hitch? He has another girlfriend.
She knew what she was getting into, knew the guy’s status even before, and she kept saying then that she was just enjoying herself, enjoying his company, and that she wasn’t going to fall for him. But that’s exactly what happened. Am sooo tempted now to shoot my mouth off and tell her exactly what I think and feel she should be doing. But being the good friend that she is, I’m afraid that if I did say these things, it would hurt her SO much. And that, I can’t risk since I know she’s going through so much heartbreak as it is now.
So what do I do? Decided to just write it here. For my own sanity! Just to get this off my chest. This is exactly what I would say to her IF I was not afraid of hurting her feelings…
“
Girl, you knew what you were getting into. And despite all the warnings, you went ahead into a relationship with this guy who you knew was in love with someone else.
You are NOT his girlfriend. So what if you go out and he says “I love you” to you? Yes, he makes you swoon, obviously. Yes, he makes you feel loved. BUT he has another GIRLFRIEND and he’s just playing with you! Get this into that thick skull of yours! You are just another conquest to him. And though you keep saying to yourself that you’re not in love with him, you can’t fool me. You ARE in love with him. And it’s hurting you so much to know that you are just playing second fiddle. I hate to see you crying when he disappoints you; by not introducing you to his friends for fear they might tell his GF; for not being available when you need him, whether it’s because of his job or he has a date with his real GF… there are still so many things he does that hurts you, and being your friend, I hate to see you going through this…
The way I see it, you have 2 options:
1) Best thing to do, forget him altogether. Easier said than done, I know. But this is the best for you. Don’t bother saying goodbye. Believe me, he won’t miss you! You were just another notch under his belt. Just a statistic, and not the love of his life! Once you stop calling him, he will NOT call you. He will not fall all over himself trying to find out why you’re not there anymore. He’ll just stop. But life will go one for him. He doesn’t need you, so stop kidding yourself that you’re important to him. Wake up and smell the coffee, girl!
2) Continue with this, but don’t fool yourself into believing that you are in a relationship. See him, if you feel you must, but give yourself some pride! Don’t fall all over yourself showering him with attention. Don’t trick yourself into believing that he loves you more than his girlfriend and that soon, he’ll leave her for you. He won’t! He loves her or else he wouldn’t have stayed 2 years with her! If he really loves you, he would have the decency to split off with her first, before pursuing you (which he didn’t, might I add!) He’s playing you for a fool. Prove to him you’re not! Split up with him! (going back to number 1… just have to try to put some sense into that thick skull of yours! You’re not using your gray matter, my friend.)
I hate to see you get hurt. There are so many other fish in the ocean. Don’t waste your time and energy on a “relationship” that’s not going anywhere. The earlier you extricate yourself from this, the earlier that you can move on with your life. He’s not the guy for you. Never was.
“
posted by shy @ 1:54 PM
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